well, sometimes I need to just reach out…

I’m very much of a loner, though sometimes I long for more contact.

But to tell you the truth I think I’m just too lazy.. there ya have it.

Part of my problem, I think I have a short temper, though you wouldn’t know it. I just don’t want to hear the same thing twice, and I do all the time. So that wears me out, well its just not that fun to hear the same stuff over and over.

It is okay if you have a mental problem, then I can deal up to a point. But I get tired of listening to the same old problem, I guess they just want to be listened to.

Sometimes I think the people should just learn to deal with crap, like my boss sometimes will ask me 20 questions about what some customer wants, when all the customer did was leave his phone number so that my boss could call him, sometimes lately, I tell my boss to just call him. After all, My boss knows, I always ask the customer if there is anything that I can help them with.

I get invited to parties in the City (SF) , but sometimes I just don’t feel like driving there, I’m not some huge wit, that always has an entertaining quip or comment, sometime I feel like a bump on the log.

Part of this whole not very social thing, was my upbringing, we were not allowed to talk at the dinner table, Dad worked six days a week, and we were not allowed to bother him on his day off. Mom was asleep by 8:30 every night, and Dad was asleep in front of the TV.

We weren’t allowed friends over the house, and Mom hated the neighbors. When I was 15 all the kids left home except for me, so now I was the only one there with no one to talk to.

So I got used to being alone, and just doing what I felt like doing.

People think sometimes that I’m stuck-up, but in reality, I’m just keeping quiet so I don’t make a fool of myself.

Not that I mind being a fool, as long as I’M the one playing for laughs.

After all to hear someone laugh is a great joy to me, and it feels even better If I’m the one making them laugh.

later