What is love?

Can someone love you and still have affairs ?

Cowboy and I were watching “Brothers and Sisters” last night, and the Mom, (played by Sally Field) was upset because she was still feeling some pain over the fact that her husband had not only a 20 year affair, but another that she just found out about.

She had tried to rationalize it (the affair) by saying that her husband (by having the first affair, had found something lacking in herself), but now that she found about the second affair she decided that he couldn’t love her, that the affairs were because he couldn’t love himself, let alone herself or Holly (the 20 year affair).

So what is all this about?

Well, my ex, is now showing up at the Gym where I work out. I find it a bit uncomfortable, he was always good with words, but his actions tell another story.

Well, of course, long story, but it was a nasty breakup.

One of the things that happened, is that he had three affairs while we were together.

So I was wondering (and I asked Cowboy) Can you love someone and still have multiple affairs, is it because you (the person having an affair) are insecure, or feel something lacking in yourself?

What drives someone to have multiple affairs, my relationship not withstanding?


I understand that for my own sake I need to forgive him, and myself for allowing the affairs to go on, and for my part in them what ever that might be.

I also understand that I don’t have to interact with him, that he does not have to be part of my life, I could change when I work out, but I can’t change the fact that spin classes is on Tuesday and Thursday, so I would still see him when I go for spin class, and the resulting emotions that pop in my head when I see him.

I’m trying to live my life, and react the way I choose to react, to not let the emotions that upset me, control me.