sometimes i get depressed… usually it is around the holidays…
too much work to do

at work, year end stuff, deciphering the notes from the cpa, doing at the journal entries correctly, as well as trying to keep current on my regular work, at home, holiday decorations, cooking, cleaning, trying to find new recipes that interest me, and then actually cooking them.

too much of my old life pops back into my life
I still administer a trust from my old bankrupt business, and this is the time of the year that the paperwork is due, it gets my head all twisted up, and I have weird dreams, some of them involving people I used to care for deeply, but because of the bankruptcy, law suits, moving away, etc, I don’t see anymore… but they are still there in my head. waiting for me to fall asleep so they can remind me of my failures and shortcomings

the funds are short…
debts from the old business follow me in my daytime life as well, and so I barely have enough money to pay my bills, and chip away at the old debt, so I’m short (I cant afford as much I want to) for Christmas presents, which makes me feel bad.

Guilt!
and though and I hate to admit it, when my dad talks about how much money I’m going to inherit, I feel guilty, when I want to say, “Give it to me now, I can then pay off all my debts, buy a house and have a normal life” – I just feel guilty for wanting money…

Yes he did offer to pay of a portion of the debts from the business, I told him that no , I need to learn from this…

Face it, I’m just tired of working hard for my money…

I want to sit and eat bon bons

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